I was at Sarah’s funeral.
Standing there in my stupid suit, holding flowers I bought at a gas station because I forgot until the last minute.
And all I could think was: “This is the third one.”
Not the third funeral.
The third client-turned-friend who disappeared from my business.
Dead. Gone. Vanished.
Here’s what I mean…
Sarah was my dream client.
€3,500/month retainer. Paid on time. Never complained. Loved my work.
We’d have our weekly check-in calls that would run 90 minutes instead of 30.
Started grabbing coffee. Then lunch. Then I was at her kid’s birthday party.
She introduced me to her friends. I helped her move apartments. We became actual friends.
And then…
She ghosted.
Not like “sorry I’ve been busy” ghosted.
Like full witness protection program ghosted.
Emails bounced. Phone disconnected. LinkedIn profile deleted.
€24,000 annual contract. Poof.
Before Sarah, there was Marcus.
€5K/month client. 8-month contract. €40K total.
Same pattern:
Professional → friendly → actual friends → dead.
He didn’t ghost. He fired me.
Said his wife felt “uncomfortable with how much time we spent together.”
Translation: I became his buddy, not his consultant.
The moment I became his friend, I stopped being valuable.
And before Marcus? Elena.
My very first high-ticket client. €15K project.
We bonded over punk music. I showed her my record collection. She invited me to shows.
The project deadline came and went.
I couldn’t be tough on her. She was my friend.
She kept delaying. Making excuses. Asking for extensions.
I couldn’t say no.
Six months later: Project half-finished. Zero additional payment. Friendship strained.
She stopped answering my calls.
€15K + €24K + €40K = €79,000 in revenue killed by friendship.
Here’s the pattern I finally saw:
The moment you become best friends with a client, they die.
Not literally (thank god).
But professionally? Dead.
They either: - Ghost completely - Fire you awkwardly
- Stop respecting boundaries - Drag projects forever - Stop paying on time - Treat you like free labor
Fair?
The Curse Nobody Talks About
Every business guru tells you:
- “Build relationships!”
- “Connect with clients!”
- “Make them feel special!”
What they DON’T tell you:
There’s a line. And crossing it kills the business.
Here’s what happens when you become actual friends:
1. The Power Dynamic Disappears - Friends don’t invoice friends aggressively - Friends accept excuses - Friends don’t enforce boundaries - Friends work for free “just this once”
2. Professional Value Evaporates - You’re no longer the expert - You’re “just helping a friend” - Your advice becomes casual suggestion - Your time becomes “hanging out”
3. The Resentment Builds - You can’t charge what you’re worth - They expect friendship discounts - You do extra work for free - They refer you to friends expecting deals
Want to know what scared me most?
The Realization That Changed Everything
I was scrolling Reddit at 3AM (as one does when avoiding real problems).
Found this writing prompt:
“You have a curse. Whenever you become best friends with someone, they die within a week. You’ve made it your mission to become best friends with the worst people you can find.”
And something clicked.
I had the same curse.
Except instead of death, it was business death.
The closer I got to clients, the faster the professional relationship died.
So I started an experiment…
The Anti-Friendship Framework
I created rules. Hard boundaries. Non-negotiable.
Rule #1: No Personal Social Media - LinkedIn only. No Instagram. No Facebook friends. - They don’t see my personal life - I don’t see theirs - Professional mystery stays intact
Rule #2: No Outside Hangouts - No coffee “as friends” - No birthday parties - No weekend plans - Business hours only
Rule #3: The Email Test“Would I send this email to someone paying me €5K/month?” - If no → don’t send it - Keep communication professional - Friendly ≠ Friends
Rule #4: Strategic Distance - Warm, but not intimate - Helpful, but not personal - Engaged, but not involved
Rule #5: Never Complain Together About life, other clients, personal problems.
The moment you trauma-bond, you become equals.
Equals don’t pay each other €5K/month.
The Results (That Made Me Feel Like an Asshole)
Before Anti-Friendship Framework: - Average client lifetime: 4.2 months - Client ghosting rate: 43% - Annual revenue: €127K - Friendships maintained: 0 (all burned out)
After Anti-Friendship Framework: - Average client lifetime: 18+ months - Client ghosting rate: 4% - Annual revenue: €340K - Friendships maintained: 0 (but by design)
I tripled my revenue by refusing to be friends with clients.
The Uncomfortable Truth
Your clients don’t want to be your friend.
They want to feel: - Understood (yes) - Respected (yes)
- Valued (yes) - Heard (yes)
But friends? No.
They want a professional who: - Respects boundaries - Delivers results - Maintains mystery - Commands authority
The moment you become “buddies,” that authority disappears.
And without authority, there’s no value.
But Here’s The Thing…
I felt like a complete asshole at first.
Declining coffee invites. Keeping conversations strictly business. Not accepting Facebook friend requests.
One client actually said: “Wow, you’re very… professional.”
It stung.
But you know what stung more?
Losing €79K because I confused friendship with business.
The Framework You Can Steal Today
The Proximity Paradox System:
STEP 1: Audit Your Current Clients - Who texts you outside work hours? - Who knows personal details about your life? - Who treats you like “one of them”?
These are danger zones.
STEP 2: Create The Distance - Slow-fade personal conversations - Redirect to business topics - Set “office hours” boundaries - Keep social media separate
STEP 3: The Strategic Warmth Formula Be warm, but mysterious: - Share work wins, not personal struggles - Ask about their business, not their personal life
- Celebrate professional milestones, not birthdays - Stay helpful, not available 24/7
STEP 4: The Email Barrier All communication through professional channels: - Email (not text) - LinkedIn (not Instagram)
- Scheduled calls (not “quick chats”) - Project management tools (not casual DMs)
STEP 5: The Invoice Reminder Every time you feel too friendly, remember: “Would a friend pay me €5K for this?”
If no, you’ve crossed the line.
The Exception That Proves The Rule
Some of you are thinking: “But what about long-term clients who DO become friends?”
Valid question.
Here’s the truth:
0.1% of clients can transition to real friendship.
But it only works AFTER: - Contract is complete - Money is settled
- Professional relationship is over - Time has passed (minimum 6 months)
Even then, it’s risky.
Most “friendships” with ex-clients end up as: - Awkward coffee meetings - Forced “staying in touch”
- Guilt about not working together - Resentment about money/outcomes
True friendship requires equal ground.
Client relationships are never equal.
What I Do Instead
I have three categories of people in my business:
Category 1: Clients - Professional relationship - Clear boundaries - Mutual respect - Strategic distance - High value exchange
Category 2: Colleagues
- Industry peers - Mutual support - Casual friendship - No money involved - Equal footing
Category 3: Real Friends - Nothing to do with business - Zero professional overlap
- Pure personal connection - No transactions ever
I NEVER mix categories.
The moment someone moves from Category 1 → 2, they can never go back.
The Dark Pattern Nobody Admits
You know why business gurus tell you to “build relationships”?
Because they’re selling you friendship.
Their entire business model depends on you feeling like their buddy.
Think about it:
- Mastermind groups = paying for friends
- Coaching programs = buying a mentor-friend
- Communities = purchasing belonging
- “Inner circles” = friendship as a product
I’m not saying these are bad.
I’m saying: They’re selling you the thing I’m telling you to avoid.
Because here’s the truth:
The best clients aren’t your friends.
The best clients respect distance.
The best clients value expertise.
The best clients pay for results, not relationships.
The Question You’re Really Asking
“But Jan, doesn’t this make you lonely?”
Fuck yes it does.
Entrepreneurship is lonely.
Running a business is isolating.
And the Anti-Friendship Framework makes it lonelier.
But here’s what it also makes:
Profitable.
And with that profit, I can afford to: - Build real friendships outside work - Invest in actual relationships
- Have clear separation between business and life - Not resent clients for taking advantage - Maintain long-term client relationships
The loneliness of distance is better than the loneliness of losing €79K.
Fair?
What To Do Next
If you’re reading this and thinking:
“Shit. I’ve been doing this wrong.”
Here’s your action plan:
TODAY: 1. List all clients who feel “too close” 2. Identify boundary violations 3. Start creating distance
THIS WEEK: 1. Set up professional-only communication 2. Remove personal social media connections 3. Create “office hours” boundaries
THIS MONTH: 1. Implement full Anti-Friendship Framework 2. Track client retention changes 3. Monitor revenue impact
The Uncomfortable Data
I tracked this for 18 months.
Here’s what I found:
Clients who stayed purely professional: - 89% retention rate - €4,247 average lifetime value
- 67% referral rate - 12% upsell acceptance
Clients who became “friends”: - 23% retention rate - €1,840 average lifetime value - 18% referral rate
- 4% upsell acceptance
The data doesn’t lie.
Distance = Value.
The Part Where I Lose Some Of You
Some of you are thinking:
“This is cold. This is transactional. This isn’t how I want to do business.”
Cool.
Go build friendships with your clients.
Let me know how it works out.
Seriously.
I genuinely hope I’m wrong.
I hope you’re the exception.
I hope you build a €500K business based on deep client friendships.
If you do, please tell me how.
Because I tried for 7 years and lost €79K before I figured this out.
The Real Curse
The actual curse isn’t that clients die when you become friends.
The real curse is:
You can’t be both friend AND consultant.
You can’t charge premium rates from your buddy.
You can’t enforce boundaries with your homie.
You can’t maintain authority with your pal.
Pick one:
- Friendly professional relationship → €300K+/year
- Actual friendship → €0/year (and a burned bridge)
One Last Thing
Sarah (the client who ghosted) came back.
Eight months later.
New email. New phone. New LinkedIn.
She apologized.
Said she needed “space from business relationships.”
Translation: We got too close, she felt weird, disappeared.
She wanted to work together again.
I said no.
Not because I was mad.
Because I learned the lesson.
The moment that line gets crossed, you can’t uncross it.
The curse doesn’t end.
It just pauses.
Jan
P.S. The irony? This email is probably the most personal thing I’ll ever send you.
And we’ll never be friends.
P.P.S. Marcus (the client whose wife was uncomfortable) reached out last month. Wants to work together again. I quoted him 3x my original rate. He said yes immediately.
Distance creates value.
